State of the Union Address 2019

So last night, The President of People who Consider Kraft Mac and Cheese a Meal, Donald Trump, gave the State of the Union address. What did he do? What did he say? The same shit he always says. EVERYTHING and NOTHING.

A lot of his message seemed to be about lowering healthcare and medicine prices, even though he is against Medicare for all. He brought out a little girl who had to crowd fund $40,000 for cancer treatments, because, we don’t have Medicare for all, which he doesn’t want. He talked about “eliminating AIDS/HIV in 10 years”, and tackling childhood cancers. What’s he gonnado about all this? He’s still talking that same “erase the statelines, increase the competition for insurance companies” bullshit that all republican politicians talk about. Which ultimately would result in all the insurance companies just going to the state that charges the lowest tax rate, and then….nothing else changes. 

He also advised us, his wonderful constituency, of his plans to “withdraw” from Afghanistan and Syria (which he basically took back within the same sentence if you’re listening close). He said he wanted to stay in Iraq to “watch Iran”, and he wanted to do “counter-terror intelligence” in Afghanistan, which basically means, we ain’t going anywhere. All the “great nations don’t do endless wars” shit he was talking is clearly a lie. Like most things Trump says.

As expected, he fear mongered telling anecdotal stories about undocumented immigrants committing violent crimes (which statistically happen less frequently than those crimes of natural born citizens), and thusly, promoting his favorite easy to get around/under/over piece of building structure, the wall.

In addition to this terrible stuff, we also heard him endorse the privatization of schools. Yeah, Trump’s a charter school guy. 

Then there was just an obnoxiously long tongue bath that several older troops and police officers received by President Tiny Hands. Oh so much pomp and circumstance. The EmEffer also had the nerve to forget multiple common sayings to close out his speech (which I just thought was funny), but overall, he said nothing that we didn’t already know, sprinkled in with some crazy lies, but again, this is normal for 45. 

Hopefully we will only have to listen to one more of these SOTU speeches from him, and the first one after he is no longer the Prez is either being given from Tulsi Gabbard or Bernie Sanders. We can only hope.