Trim The Democrat Fat

Alriiiiiiiiiight! Finally, we are shedding some of the extra weight around the Democratic Presidential primary season. 

Eric Swalwell has, or will be (as of 7/8/2019) dropping out of the race. This is great news. Now all we need are the following people to drop out so we can have a legit battle of ideas.

1. Pete Booty Judge

2. Bet on my Stork

3. John BickenBackBeinBoolPooper

4. Kirsten Jello Brand

5. Cory Barack O’Booker

6. John Del-Lame-ee

7. Andrew Yang (Can’t think of anything creative for him, and Kyle from Secular Talk hasn’t created one yet either.)

8. Marianne “Flower Child” Williamson

9. Amy Cloud Boot Jar

10. Jay Inslee 

11. Tim “Al ’Qaeda and the Taliban are the same” Ryan

12. Michael “Not the Singer” Bennett

13. Bill “Seriously Guys, I’m a Lefty” de Blasio

14. Handsy Uncle Joseph Biden

All of these candidates basically are the same as each other, so we can just throw them under some categories. 

There’s Team Kamala, which I would say includes Booty Judge, Beto, Hickenlooper, Jello Brand, Cory Booker, John Delaney, Amy Cloud Boot Jar and Michael Bennett. The Centrist Dems who are not going to fight against big money interests, will not end the wars, will not get medicare for all or tax paid public college and university tuition. They’ll be cool towards minorities and women, but they also won’t fight for legalized cannabis or clearing the records of non-violent drug offenders.Joe Biden also fits this category. 

There’s Team Bernie, which you can throw Marianne Williamson and Bill de Blasio (rhetorically) in the mix. Again, strong caveat with Bill de Blasio, I don’t believe him. At all. But if you listen strictly to what he is saying in the debates, he sounds like Bernie. 

Tulsi is basically on an island as the only super anti-war candidate, and as much as it saddens me to admit, as of now it doesn’t look like she’s got much of a shot. However, her strong antiwar voice is completely needed on these stages, so for that reason alone I hope she doesn’t drop out yet. 

Elizabeth Warren is still going strong, and the only reason I want to see her stay in the race is because if Bernie doesn’t win, she’s got to. Otherwise, we will see no substantial change. Although Elizabeth is a little closer to the center than I care for her to be, she’s still overall pretty good. If Bernie Sanders gets a 90% from me, Liz is a solid 80. If I agree with 80% of your record, I feel ok voting for you. So with all that said, let’s keep trimming the fat and get this race down to a reasonable amount of candidates.